Frustration from ruminating on my futility is cause for my tics. Memories invade my mind to recapitulate, seemingly in order to find additional meaning, however, I instead find faults in my logic in retrospect, too late to recover, make amends, or redeem myself. I’ve grown to stop trying, try to stop caring, care to forget. However, I fail when I forget to stop trying and then I care and remember. Mostly, the memory will arise (based on a trigger stimulus of varying media) once, I’ll process and briefly react angrily, then I’ll be back. Sometimes, though, a memory will be so ingrained in my body movements that every time I carry out that movement, the memory is relived and pain is experienced. I have post-traumatic-stress-disorder from living a life fully rife with stress from birth. I care not to divulge the details here at this moment. I have considered suicide for the past eleven years now. I’ve wanted and been denied therapy by neglectful parents. I sought it in the Institute; it helped temporarily, but what I know now is that my experiences and reality compared to hope mean that I will continue to struggle with this burden while most others are luckily bereft. I self-medicate, not purely to achieve an altered consciousness, but, one could argue that when ailments are ameliorated, one’s consciousness is indirectly affected positively. The medication is neuro-protective and my aim is neuro-regeneration. Some compounds have the ability to help the brain help itself. Those compounds are my bag, baby.
My mind seems to be on track with the cutting edge of scientific research because of the recurrence of coincidences between my unexpressed daydreams, imaginings, ponderings, and musings and the current scientific literature. I think, they create. It seems to be a pattern, albeit, of mere coincidences. Unless the Red Hot Chili Peppers are not just metaphorical when they play Californication and the lyrics say, “Psychic spies from China try to steal your mind’s elation…” These researchers are Chinese, too. I swear, my brain is very keen on trends. I was just thinking about the possibility of developing a device that converts the ubiquitous evaporation (essentially, anti-gravity) in conjunction with the natural, sustainable force called gravity. The device would rotate via conversion of gaseous ascension into mechanical force while gravity would further the rotation of the rotor to produce electricity from the electromotive force whereby a rotating magnetic field (permanent magnets attached to rotor) can induce an alternating electric current in a current carrying conductor (coils in stator). The next day, I read this in the news:
- Xi Chen, Davis Goodnight, Zhenghan Gao, Ahmet H. Cavusoglu, Nina Sabharwal, Michael DeLay, Adam Driks, Ozgur Sahin. Scaling up nanoscale water-driven energy conversion into evaporation-driven engines and generators. Nature Communications, 2015; 6: 7346 DOI: 10.1038/ncomms8346
They’re Chinese… and they’re psychic.