Don’t talk about it. just do it.

There’s a _ waiting for me at Walmart. I’ve been considering this for a while now. Just buy a _, and use it once. All the BS is over. All the spiteful behaviours directed toward you will cease. Perhaps, people will remember you fondly and think of how they could’ve been nicer to you. Maybe they won’t be suprised. But it will have been a shame. I can offer intelligence and warmth to the world. The people at the ETC are warm. Not all of them, though. Human interaction is so complex because it is the cooperative exchange of information nuggets sent and received by a gestalt of layers of psyche disparate between the individual humans. I expect, as I assume is a normal notion, certain rejoinders to my existence and speech from others and I aim to reciprocate (do unto others as you’d want done unto you).

Schools should teach reciprocation and other social mores. Dena seems to have no idea about returning the love that was sent to her. What? She thinks love grows on trees? It is a valuable resource that takes a specific energy quantity from a person. It can be restored on its own, however, much more slowly and incompletely than if the benefactor simply displays affection to the donor*.

When enough love has leaked out through the cracks of a non-hermetic relationship, the relationship becomes strained and dire efforts are required to save it. Has Dena taken ANY dire actions? Has she realized what good I am for her? She will once I’m gone.

*Since the re-accumulation of energy and subsequent sequestering of it into loving behavior uses energy. It’s a “two steps forward, one step back” situation.

Part Deux
I recurrently imagine this preconceived scene: See gun, buy gun, use gun. Circumventing that, I see a future of sadness and few laughs. I see a degeneration of mind and body and consequent sex appeal. I have no sex already so what do I have to look forward to? Money? The world system is devised to award the wealthy for more money than they know what to do with whereas everybody else has no time or energy because of being slaves to this system.

Can the lower classes circumvent the immobility system to approach a leisurely, luxurious lifestyle like the upper class live? Perhaps through the admonition of federal currency, a new system that foments prosperity among all through bartering and exchange of services may be established. How to get around money, the bane of human existence?

I haven’t studied economics and am merely an idealist in this realm of thought. How little I know, how little I can accomplish, just as this unnatural, man-made, imperfect-by-design society intended. As long as the masses remain ignorant of their personal power and the practices of those abusing power, then change as I hope will not occur. The internet has allowed many people to awaken to reality.

Hopefully, the internet will not be given to corporate interests who will further the immobility and ignorance of the lower classes by restricting access to sites and bandwidth.

Colleges were the original internet, a congregation of knowledge continually being reworked by freshly inundated cortexes. They were once affordable and an intellectual boom ensued. Eventually, those in power came to realize that knowledge is power and so is money. Bereft of ethics, why not hoard both and relinquish only a little after a person goes through great lengths to make a better life for themself?
This proved highly profitable and number of those who vied for power became fewer and fewer.

But, alas! The internet was shared freely with the world and consequently undermined the undermining of society. Now that undermining of undermining is under threat of being undermined. ::fingers crossed while awaiting FCC decision on Net Neutrality::

(and just like that, a creative piece is composed. this mind is now free to recapitulate, condense, and modify the past, present, and future. (free from depression))

Thank you, writing.




This missive is not meant to be an exhaustive inquest about the physiological reaction to stimuli (i.e. emotions).

Emotions are so exigent, by their very nature, urging physical movement to bring about a different and/or complementary emotion; e.g. in my personal case, depression warrants joy or emotionless-ness. Depression is a tricky emotion to combat however because it is not always fleeting, and by its nature, is depressive whereby behavior is characterized by the lack of behavior. The urge of depression does not sway one toward resolution via equilibrium of mental state; instead, it encourages further degeneration until an ultimatum is encountered: die or change.

The motivation to change is fueled by the prospect of hope and/or fear, that is, an exclusion of one or the other or a combination of them both. I personally identify with the pair of emotions; for me, the will to live is based on the fear of others’ sadness caused by death and the hope that things could and might get better.

Summer days : winter days ::  joy : depression


Who will let me inside of them? What woman can show me a good time, something I haven’t had in years? Marriage sucks, literally; it sucks out your will to live unless you have a compassionate, nurturing spouse. Men, and I am one of them, need sexual gratification to feel whole. Ergo, I am a flagging fraction at this point, trying to avoid negligibility as the days of purposeful neglect accrue more quickly than moments of fulfillment. Her spite undermines my health. But, not just her, women are too powerful here. Men fall over for trolls here just because, generally, most women are prudes and the trolls aren’t. Sigh.

But, how can I complain? At least I have a dick whereas some men may not for sundry reasons. I have time to pleasure myself whereas others may not. So, I am in a grey zone between the extremes of relative deprivation and relative prosperity. I am despairing.